I may not have an avoidant attachment style but I have definitely dated my fair share of avoidant partners. If you have an anxious attachment style, there is a natural and strong attraction to those with an avoidant one, and a good chance you, too, have fallen for someone with this attachment style.

For many years I thought that those that I was attracted to were simply not “emotionally available,” and I held a lot of resentment towards them and their inability or unwillingness to connect. …

If I went back through my Google search history for the past decade, I have to admit, begrudgingly, that I googled, “signs you’ve met your soul mate” far too many times. I wanted affirmation that the magic I felt in the first few weeks or months of meeting someone was a sign of something divine. I was so focused on finding love outside of myself that I never considered that the kind of connection I wanted wasn’t the kind of connection I was capable of having.

Though at times hard to admit, I wanted a life partner. I had no…

I am writing this because I have never been so conflicted about a major life decision before. I am struggling to conjure up a decision bigger than whether or not to have a baby. The decision as to whether or not to bring another human life into this world has been eating me up inside. Do I bring a baby in this world—as it is—uncertain, bursting at its seams, and beautiful?

I do want to acknowledge my privilege in writing this article. I’ve been contemplating this decision for the past 2 years. Which means, I’ve been able to make it…

I was in my late 20s when I realized I had no idea what love was. I was told that when I met the right person it would be easy, that if things didn’t work out it was because I just hadn’t met “the one,” and that I should find someone who accepts me for exactly who I am. Why would I seek advice that challenged me when I could always find advice that would tell me exactly what I wanted — rather than needed — to hear.

I never considered that advice was bad because of the way it…

“You were born to be among the advisors and thinkers, the spiritual and moral leaders for your society. There is every reason for pride.” — Elaine Aron

I was a teenager the first time that a counsellor told me that she thought I was a “highly sensitive person” and sent me home with a stack of books (which I did not read). At the time, I thought that it was a curse and I wished it away. I didn’t want to be highly sensitive, I just wanted to be a happy-go-lucky teenager, sitting at the “popular table” in the lunchroom.

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Anyone who was or is shy has probably heard, somewhere along the way, that being shy is far from ideal and is something to be fixed. Just the other day I googled “books on shyness” and was disappointed to find that almost all of the books that I found (with the exception of Susan Cain’s book called Quiet) were about how to overcome or even triumph over your shyness.

This didn’t sit well with me. I didn’t want to know how to fix it, I wanted to understand it. Where does it come from? Why—after nearly a decade of learning…

Do you ever have moments where you feel completely disconnected from yourself? As if there are parts of you that emerge that feel strange and unfamiliar—not quite in line with who you are at the core.

These parts might come out in the throws of a fight with a partner, or when you come face-to-face with your “last straw” after an especially challenging day. These parts say the things that you later regret, or stay silent when you have something important to say. …

I’ll never forget one of my greatest “aha” moments—one that came to me during a fight with my current partner. I remember the exact moment: we were driving in his truck, our typical route from his place to mine, and we were fighting.

It was probably one of those times where I demanded “take me home,” all while secretly hoping he would beg for me to stay. The fact we were in the car meant my tactic had failed. …